So I presented my professional exam and then it was time to go out to the real world, and by that I mean the laboral one... except that the market in my home town is dry as the weather - and that's the dessert type -. So I began to send my CV to anywhere I found vacancy for industrial designers.
Finally, I got some calls and travel to DF for a week to attend a couple of interviews; staying at my grandma's house, went back for another week and then received more calls and went back to Mexico's city.
And I loved it!
It was an adventure, a sort of quest about me trying my luck away from where I grew up!
But, of course, things couldn't be that simple... my boyfriend was back at our home town with his own work and the idea that I had entertained about us moving in together in Mexico's city was shot down because due to his work, even if he can move freely (all he needs is his laptop) now he had to regularly go with a client of the company he works with. Damn. Time kept passing and While I was toying with the idea of returning to that damn little town; since I haven't gotten what I was looking for... it all sort of started to go downhill from there.
I mean, I was content as I haven't been in a long time, living somewhere else and going to interviews every week; even if I had to deal with the disappointment and other bullshit that is inherent to be looking for a job, plus putting on a daily basis with my family's bullshit (I love them but they can drive any sane person crazy). But my relationship was suffering, I felt responsible and guilty, making both of us suffer since we didn't know where we were standing. I had no clue what I was doing, or what I wanted to do and I still don't.
I had never said out loud that I was going to stay here,until he pressured me and finally I did it, about a week ago. And ever since then, I could hear the misery in his voice and that tore my heart.
Now, I'm going back, even if my professional future bleeds to fix up what I broke in my relationship. I talked with him on the phone this morning, as he sounded so happy, like his usual self and not the down and miserable thing he had been over the past weeks.
But now I am the unhappy one, since going back means for me that most certainly, I won't be able to secure myself a job as an industrial designer and most likely, I will have to find something else to do to live on.
I need help, or advice, or even a divine sign to know if I'm doing the right thing...